


Harry Potter and the Curse of Tiresias

by Quiet_Shadow



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Drunk Harry, Euphemisms, Female Dean Thomas, Female Harry Potter, Female Neville Longbottom, Female Ron Weasley, Female Seamus Finnigan, Gen, Gender or Sex Swap, Genderbending, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Humor, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 12:49:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15995561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quiet_Shadow/pseuds/Quiet_Shadow
Summary: AU.Somehow, Voldemort manages to kick the bucket earlier -- and Dumbledore with him. Hurrah! The world is safe and perhaps now Hogwarts students can enjoy a normal year of schooling, right?It was without counting on the new (crackpot) Headmistress and her very personal ideas on education, if one can call it that.The results? Well, there are now a very impressing number of girl students in Hogwarts -- and if they followed Harry-newly-christened-Holly Potter's lead, some of them might be very, very drunk to cope with it...(Incidently, the Hufflepuffs might have pulled a fast one and gotten all the alcohol in the school, but it's hard to blame them.)





	Harry Potter and the Curse of Tiresias

__

__**He Who Must Not Be Named Vanquished!  
** Harry Potter Triumphant!  
Boy-Who-Lived Becomes Man-Who-Won!

_On May 8th, 1997, it has been confirmed that the Dark Lord known had He Who Must Not Be Named was finally killed in a duel with Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter, on the streets of Hogsmeade where a Death Eaters raid was taking place._

_First elements indicate the raid was originally aimed at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry but the magical protections surrounding the castle held true, forcing You-Know-Who partisans to attack the nearest available target. Rumors hold that the Death Eaters had hoped on inside complicity to enter the school, though no element has been able to accredit this theory yet._

_As the battle raged between ordinary citizens, artisans and sellers unwilling to the village burn (see page 4, 5, 6, 8 and 9 for the exclusive interviews of Hogsmeade Battle’s participants), the courageous defenders were soon joined by many students who had sneaked out of school, including the Boy-Who-Lived, as well as several Hogwarts teachers leading a group of creatures from the Forbidden Forest (see page 10 for an interview with Care to Magical Creatures Professor Rubeus Hagrid and Substitute Teacher Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank).  
[Follow up in pages 2-5, 7 and 11]_

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

 __  
 **Eulogy to Albus Dumbledore!  
**  
Funerals To Be Held on Last Day of May!  
Minerva McGonagall Acting Headmistress!  


 __  
 _It is with great sadness that the Wizarding world recently learned the death of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry’s Headmaster Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Order of Merlin First Class, former Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards and until his death, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot (see our edition of yesterday for the complete list of accomplishments of Albus Dumbledore). Professor Dumbledore’s death in the wake of the final defeat of He Who Must Not Be Named saddened many and tempered the still-going celebrations threw by many citizens._  


__But Professor Dumbledore’s death, while a tragedy, is slowly being unraveled as a planned, foresighted event. Many people had already wondered and expressed their surprise at the absence of the estimated Headmaster during the Battle of Hogsmeade. While it was first imagined that Albus Dumbledore had stayed behind in order to better defend the castle and, according to popular rumors, to power up the wards surrounding the school, the Headmaster’s autopsy revealed that Albus Dumbledore had already been dying, possibly under the effects of a powerful dark curse._ _

__

__

_While most of Hogwarts staff refused to comment, Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master and trusted confident of the late Headmaster, stated to our reporter and St Mungo Healers that Professor Dumbledore’s health had been steadily declining for months now, but the event was kept secret in order not to prompt He Who Must Not Be Named into bold actions._

__

__

In the wake of Albus Dumbledore’s death, Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, Transfiguration Professor (see page 7 for a full biography of Minerva McGonagall), was promoted to the rank of Acting Headmistress until the end of the school year.

_Hogwarts’ Board of Governors will gather this summer, as per custom, to decide the nomination of the new Headmaster…_

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

_**New Headmistress for Hogwarts!** _

_In the wake of their summer session, Hogwarts Board of Governors announced the nomination of Professor Adrestia Prudence Christabel Amadora Billinghurst-Hays as the new Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Headmistress._

__

_Other names had been mentioned in the last few weeks to succeed the famous and illustrious Albus Dumbledore (Order of Merlin, First Class, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards until 1995 and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot until his death)._

__

__

Chiefs among them were those of Minerva McGonagall, Hogwarts’ current Deputy Headmistress and Hogwarts Transfiguration Professor (a position Albus Dumbledore himself held before his own nomination at the post of Headmaster) who often acted as Acting Headmistress as well, and of Severus Snape, Potions Master and heroic spy for Headmaster Dumbledore’s forces who recently received an Order of Merlin, Second Class for his actions during the second rise of He Who Must Not Be Named, but also those of Egon Hillbrand, well-known founder of the Sabre Editions, and Aurarius Fontaine, the much acclaimed artist and sculptor who created numerous memorials in the wake of He Who Must Be Named’s fall in 1981.

The Board of Governors’ final decision and Professor Billinghurst-Hays’ nomination come as a surprise for many and some are already questioning the decision. However, Miss Darlene Bellwether, current Head of Board since the departure of Mr Lucius Malfoy in 1993, confided that she felt the choice they made was the right one.

“Professor Billinghurst-Hays is very competent witch who was already considered a potential candidate to the succession of former Headmaster Armando Dippet in the mid 1960s. Since then, she spent years travelling the world and studying various forms of magic as well as wizarding education in many countries. We’re confident the qualities she expressed at the time and the insight she gained on instruction will benefit Hogwarts.”

Former Head Girl and Ravenclaw alumnus, Professor Adrestia Billlinghurst-Hays (b. 1884) is an accomplished Historian of Magic for which she published a dozen of books from the mid 1920s to the late 1940s for which she received an Order of Merlin, Third Class for her contribution to the store of wizarding knowledge.

Professor Billinghurst-Hays was accounted among Hogwarts’ prestigious staff from 1944 to 1965, where she started to work as Substitute Charms teacher (1945-1947) until she was nominated to teach Studies of Ancient Runes (1947-1950) before taking the position of Ancient Studies Professor (1950-1961). The declining number of students willing to take the course and a growing lack of interest in the extracurricular subject lead then Headmaster Armando Dippet to regretfully put a stop to the Ancient Studies subject, leading Professor Billinghurst-Hays to return to a position of Studies of Ancient Runes teacher (1961-1965).

While a time considered to take the retiring Armando Dippet’s position as Headmistress in 1965, Professor Billinghurst-Hays gracefully bowed to Albus Dumbledore. She left Hogwarts the same year in order to travel abroad to ‘further and broaden her knowledge of ancient magic and ancient magical history’. Professor Billinghurst-Hays established herself in France, Italy and Greece for over thirty years before coming back to Britain in early January this year.

We can only imagine the store of knowledge and the new pedagogic methods the new Headmistress will bring to Hogwarts students…

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

“I’m going to positively kill her.” 

There was a moment of silence as the dorm’s occupants looked up at the person who had just spoken. The voice, obviously female to the ear, had been steady and her tone almost too cheerful for that kind of statement and other people might have gotten worried had they heard it.

But the room’s occupants just nodded along or grunted in agreement.

“You said it, mate.”

“I’m willing to give you a hand here.”

“Count me in as well, Potter.”

“You better get in line and take a number; many students are more or less saying the same thing. Well, at least those who haven’t raided the school’s alcohol stock and aren’t busy getting imbibed.”

“Hogwarts has an alcohol stock? How come I’ve never heard about it?”

“Probably because you never noticed but the teachers often have bottles of wine at their table, courtesy of the House Elves.”

“You think they would agree to…?”

“Don’t bother, they don’t have any left.”

“Slytherin students, eh?”

“Actually, the Hufflepuffs made out with most of the reserve before the first Slytherin even thought about asking the House Elves; our dear silver and green comrades had to content themselves with what was left.”

“‘Our dear silver and green comrades’? Since when do you think like that? And most importantly, how do you even know that, Ginny?”

“I’m feeling charitable, though I suppose the Cheering Charms are helping as well? As to why I know, Sixth year Hufflepuff Prefect Phyllis Greenwood passed by to speak with Ruth Berryman -- the Sixth year Prefect for our House?” the youngest Weasley added at some of the blank looks she received.

“Don’t bother Ginny, they’ve never bothered to learn the name of our younger classmates. Not even Ron, and Ron is a Prefect.”

“Well, yes, but in case you forgot, Hermione, we had bigger worries in the last… oh, ever since we started going to school. The Philosopher's Stone, a Basilisk, Dementors, a deadly Tournament that ended up with You-Know-Who’s resurrection, and the start of a war. When exactly did we have a moment to get to know every student in our House?”

“You got to admit Weasley has a point here, Granger.”

“Thank for the support, Finnigan.”

Ginny Weasley snorted. “The lot of you are starting to get ridiculous; you’re all friends and have been sharing the same dorm for six years, almost seven. You should call each other by your names.”

There was a long, long pause where everyone looked at each other uneasily. “I don’t know, Ginny,” the shy voice that could only belong to Neville Longbottom finally said hesitantly. However, the voice was much higher than usual. “It’s not so easy, you know. We can’t… the Curse… it hurts to use our names. And Calming Draught or not, I don’t think any of us is really at ease with using those the, the Headmistress decided to give us.”

“Well, it’s not like she could let a girl call herself ‘Neville’ or ‘Dean’, could she?”

“Ginny, we’re not girls!”

The redhead raised an eyebrow as she looked at each occupant of the dorm in the eyes. It was normally the Seventh year Boys’ Dorm but none of the occupants could be identified as male. Or rather, they couldn’t be anymore. Her eyes went from Seamus Finnigan, sitting with his legs spread wide on the floor and his back leaning against his bed to Dean Thomas, who was holding a pillow close to a definitely curvy chest. Harry and Neville were lying sprawled on their front on Harry’s bed while Ron was sitting on the floor cross-legged, Hermione behind him as the bushy-haired witch brushed her friend’s hair before she braided them.

“You could have fooled me,” the youngest Weasley said cheerily -- my, those Charms were really potents weren’t they? “Because unless I’m mistaken, you all have long hair, wide hips, a lack of bulge in your pants and something definitely bulging under your shirt. Add two and two and you have…?”

“A serious problem,” Harry piped in. He… or rather, SHE hadn’t stopped smiling since the group of former boys now turned girls had come back to their dormitory. “By the way, I don’t mind being called Holly,” she informed everyone without breaking her smile, which got her a few pointed looks.

“Har…? Uh,” Ron tried and grimaced, as if he was in pain -- which he, no, she certainly was. Funny thing how the Headmistress had saw fit to add a little supplementary Curse to her ‘masterpiece’; no male names could be applied to the newly genderbent wizards, by themselves or by others. They would be forced to answer to their new, female approved names and use ‘she’ when describing their friends and roommates, even if they knew they were indeed boys. The girls weren’t luckier, as the Curse extended to them as well, but most of them were taking well to the change. Or at least better than the boys.

Blessed, blessed Calming Draught and Cheering Charms, Ginny guessed.

That, and the fact they were perfectly fine and safe, unlike the boys.

“Holly?” Ron tried again, using the name the new Headmistress had given Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived and Man-Who-Won, as he was getting known after the ultimate defeat of Voldemort. They would have to change it to ‘Woman-Who-Won’ now. “You’re sure about that, mate?”

Holly made a dismissive gesture. “Oh, perfectly sure. Really Ron, it’s just a sex change, it’s not the end of the world.”

From the looks the other former boys were giving him, they weren’t exactly sharing the same opinion. Asides of Neville; he looked rather calm as well. “Potion or not, you’re taking it surprisingly well, Potter,” the dark skinned girl who had once been Dean Thomas commented. 

Holly gave her a look. “Dinah,” she said slowly, “I’ve spent the last few years squandered by the press, pursued by madmen trying to kill me, dealing with more manipulations than I care to remember and thinking I was going to die before I managed to do that bastard Riddle in. So much shit has happened in my life so far that I’m not even surprised anymore.”

“Holly! Language!” Hermione said, shocked.

“Sorry ‘Mione,” the green-eyed girl said. “My point is, as weird as it is, at least the purpose of the Headmistress’ Curse isn’t to kill me. And to be honest, it’s strangely comforting to not be the only one in deep trouble for once.” Her smile widened.

“Holly, are you drunk?” Hermione asked suspiciously.

“Yep,” Holly confirmed, nodding. “Dobby slipped me a bottle while everyone else was under the shower, it was the last.”

“And you didn’t think to share? You traitor!” Seamus exclaimed.

“You couldn’t keep a drop for your friends?” Ron pouted.

“Ronnie, Seadhna, getting you all drunk is the last thing we need!”

“The last thing we need?” ‘Ronnie’ got to her feet and spread her arms wide. “Hermione, in case you haven’t noticed, we have boobs!” Said boobs bounced with the move under the oversized t shirt she wore; Ronnie grabbed them and gave them a squeeze, glaring at Hermione while doing so, as if to prove the point. “If that doesn’t give us a good reason to drink, I don’t know what should!”

“Breasts, Ronnie,” the bushy-haired witch corrected the youngest Weasley male sharply. Well, the oldest Weasley female, she should call the other girl instead. “You have breasts. And thank you, I think the whole school noticed -- especially since the whole male population is dealing with the same problem.”

“And especially since everyone got butt-naked in the Great Hall!” Ginny piped in, making Hermione glare at her in suspicion, wondering if she too had partaken in drinking with Harry.

Everyone blushed at the reminder.

And to think it had promised to be such a normal September 1st! Voldemort had been dead and buried for three months now, Dumbledore since almost as long, nobody was attempting at Harry’s life and the Trio had been looking forward to spend a new, final and most importantly peaceful (and potentially boring) year at Hogwarts.

Nobody had considered that Hogwarts newly named Headmistress was obviously a headcase with a list of grudges as long as her arm and who had been patiently biding her time to ‘make the Wizarding world pay for the way they treated witches’.

Which made no sense at all to the petrified students who had had to listen to her rant, frozen in their seats as whatever Curse she had cast took effect and their bodies… morphed. It had been practically painless and so fast it was over before most of them had realized what had happened.

Then with a clap of her hands, the Headmistress had made the uniform of every student who had formerly been a male disappear, smugly letting them know that ‘boys uniforms and underclothes were unfit for young ladies’.

Suffice to say, everyone had gotten an unplanned eyeful as a strangely subdued chaos fell on the Great Hall. Calming Draught and Cheering Charms, you see, were a very useful combination to decrease the rage.

“The old biddy just wanted to humiliate us,” Dean/Dinah rumbled unhappily, throwing her pillow away. “There was no reason to show us off like that!”

“I think it was mostly a shock tactic,” Hermione said as she tugged at Ronnie’s oversized t-shirt to make her sit back down. “Veronica, get down, I need to finish with your hair before you get to bed.”

“Don’t call me that,” Ron grumbled with ill grace but obeyed anyway. She wasn’t used to have them so long, didn’t want them in her face while she slept and she didn’t know how to do braids. She could have asked Ginny, but having Hermione do them felt nicer and more reassuring for some reason. “How long will it take again?”

“Not long if you stop squirming. It’s just a simple braid for the night, we’ll try to cut and style them correctly later -- for all of you,” she added with a look at the ex-boys who looked sheepish.

Changing into girls hadn’t modified their hair length originally. But after they had been escorted to the Common Room, every single transformed boy had been handed a phial of hair-lengthening shampoo to use immediately. Every new girl student who would failed to appear at breakfast with ‘proper lengthy hair’ would be put on detention and would see points docked from her House. Not that the students cared, but people were too much in shock to reflect and refuse at this point.

Of course, boys who knew how to do proper haircare were rare, thus why Hermione had personally handled the Seventh year dorm (Parvati Patil and Fay Dunbar had offered to help as well, but Hermione had assigned them to go help the younger students. Their year was relatively small as they had all been born in the last two years of the First Wizarding War, when families didn’t think much about having children. By contrast, the 1982 and 1983 years had seen the birth of many little witches and wizards following the celebrations of Voldemort’s defeat, resulting in a larger than usual class).

Once the dust settled and they were sure of what would happen, she’d made sure to help them find hairstyles they liked. She knew Parvati and Lavender had books about that, and possibly Alice Tolipan as well.

“What were you saying about shock tactics, Hermione?” Neville, no, Nellie asked curiously, her interest picked up.

“Oh, right,” the bushy-haired witch commented as she started to untangle Ronnie’s hair again; and people thought Harry’s hair were bad? “You see, when you… lost your clothes, your wands clattered on the ground but everyone was so panicked about the situation, the boys trying to cover themselves and the girls trying to calm them down that only a handful thought about getting them back and aiming them at the Headmistress. She only had to deal with the teachers, and since most of them were absent due to ‘unforeseen circumstances’, she had all the time she wished to throw Shield Charms on herself before she gave us the second part of her speech. Everyone was too busy trying to calm the students, so Professor Snape and Professor Sprout were the only ones who tried to aim at her.”

“If McGonagall and Flitwick had been in the room, they’d have killed her,” Seadhna commented with a nod. “It surprises me Snape didn’t do her in right away; he’s a good duellist, right?”

“He is, but he’s also smart enough to know a Curse of this scale isn’t necessarily broken with the death of the caster, especially if it’s derived from an old ritual. She had taken us all hostages, even if it wasn’t obvious at first glance, and I suppose it made him hesitate,” Hermione commented before her face became somber. “And then he got in shock, not that I blame him. Her last clause to break the Curse is so...”

“Sickening? Disgusting? Shocking? Awful?” Dinah tried dryly, making the other chuckle weakly.

“‘Startling’ would be a start,” Hermione replied, though she didn’t refute the rest. “Poor man.”

“‘Poor man’? How about ‘poor us’?” Ronnie said with slight indignation -- it was hard to get really angry with Cheering Charms cast on you. “You realize what that last clause implies, right?”

“Oh, we do Ron, don’t worry,” Holly called out lazily. “But personally, I’m waiting for the Charms and Potion’s effects to stop before I think hard about it. If I have to freak out, I want to do it properly and without my emotional range being impaired.”

“Hermione is rubbing on you, mate.”

“Probably, but that might not be a bad thing given our current circumstance. If I have to look and act like a girl, I prefer to act like her or Ginny rather than, say, Lavender.”

“You shouldn’t diss Lavender, Holly,” Ginny chided him. “Even as we speak, her and all girl students -- true girls, that’s it -- who know how to sew went to help the House Elves and Madam Thomsonicle-Pocus...”

“Who?”

Dinah raised an eyebrow. “The witch who’s in charge of the supplies store; you know, the one who sign our official lists every year? Little old, plump lady with curly hair who usually sit at the far end of the teacher’s table?”

“I thought that was the Art teacher!”

“No, the Art teacher is a man, Professor Filbert Woodworth. Madam Thomsonicle-Pocus is the ‘Chief Attendant of Witchcraft Provisions’. Her office in on the sixth floor. She’s the one you go to see when your uniforms are damaged or don’t fit anymore and you don’t have any quills or cauldron left and haven’t received the ones you ordered by owl yet. Right, Nellie?”

“It didn’t happen that often!” the other girl defended herself before sighing. “But yes, basically, she’s the one who dispenses the school supplies. She even give your the order forms to fill or help you with them if you need to. She’s really nice.”

“How come I never heard of her?”

“Probably because you never asked. And your damaged wand in Second year asides, you never truly needed to seek her out, I guess. Not like Seadhna when she blew up her quills or Nellie after her first three cauldrons melted.”

“Hey!”

Hermione coughed loudly. “Anyway, Madam Thomsonicle-Pocus and voluntary students are making sure every students get at least one ready and fitting uniform to dress in the morning. You wouldn’t want to go out in those oversized shirts that served as nightdresses or naked, would you?”

“We wouldn’t need to if someone hadn’t made all out clothes disappear,” Nellie noted. “I hope we can get them back soon.”

“Don’t dream on it, mate. Our estimated Headmistress will only let us ‘dress sensibly’; that means a change in wardrobe.”

“Nevermind that; since when Lavender knows how to sew? And how come you didn’t join her, Hermione?”

“Oh, she has known for years; she often touched up her clothes to lengthen or shorten her skirts. And I don’t know how to sew, Ronnie -- I know how to knit, which is entirely different,” Hermione told him. “She’s not a professional but whatever she can do will certainly help make you presentable for the moment you’ll have to leave the dorm.”

“It’s going to be a riot outside when today’s Daily Prophet issues reach our families. What time is it again?” Seadhna asked.

“Six past ten in the morning,” Ginny replied after checking her watch. “They probably already handed the first issues to the Post Owls. I imagine it won’t be long before the whole world know.”

“Gran rises every day at six thirty,” Nellie murmured, “and the owl drops the newspaper at the breakfast table at seven. She’ll know soon… And she isn’t going to be happy.”

“I don’t think any parents will be happy -- well, asides of those who wanted a little girl,” Dinah joked casually.

“Like ours,” Ginny grinned, making Ronnie startle. “What? It’s true; Mom always wanted to have another daughter. That’s not the way she was planning for it to happen, but I’m sure she’ll be delighted with you, Ronnie.”

“Please, tell me you’re joking.”

“You wish.”

Holly patted Nellie’s hand. “Your Grandmother can storm the castle with every other concerned parents once she has finished reading the headline. Not that it will change things,” she added with a shrug. “They can’t do anything for us as it is. Adults, I’m afraid, are mostly useless.”

“They’re not!” Seadhna snapped.

“Oh, I’m sure your Mom and adults in your life took care of you. But in my case, they didn’t, so I feel entitled about calling them useless,” Holly smiled, and despite her calm/cheerful state and her being tipsy, it wasn’t a nice smile. It mollified Seadhna, who opened her mouth before Holly waved it away. “Please, no need to excuse yourself. Anyway, don’t hope for a miraculous rescue from the outside world, it never happens.”

“And you? Won’t you swing to the rescue?” Dinah asked curiously, and Holly shrugged.

“I spent most of my life dogged by a Dark Lord I was prophesied to defeat -- and I did defeat him, thank you very much. I think I did my part for wizarding Britain as far I’m concerned. Besides, I’m not a Curse Breaker or a Professor or anything, so I don’t exactly see what I could do to overcome that Curse. If people outside Hogwarts want me to play hero again, I fear they’ll be disappointed.”

What could they answer to that?

“Well… we’re not sure she’s serious about the Curse becoming permanent if she’s somehow killed, armed in any way or removed from her position,” Ronnie tried tentatively. “So perhaps it’ll get resolved soon anyway.”

“And are you willing to risk the chance to regain your manhood on the chance she lied?” Holly asked, raising an eyebrow.

“And do you really want to try and regain your manhood with the help of Snape and his baby-making wand?!”

Calming Draught or not, there was no helping the blank look of confused horror that spread over the ex-boys’ faces before it was replaced by a nervous guffaw that grew in volume until it became a general hilarity. Thank you, Cheering Charms.

“Oh. Sweet. Merlin. I can’t believe you truly said that!” Ginny giggled hysterically, hiding her mouth behind her hands. “‘Baby-making wand’? Really?”

Ronnie blushed. “Hey, that’s what Dad called it when I asked him where babies came from!”

“How old were you again when he told you that?” Seadhna chuckled, holding her ribs. “‘Cause he probably left out a little details, like how long and thick it had to be.”

Hermione became red. “Seadhna!”

Nellie blused too, but she laughed nervously all the same. “That’s nothing, Gran told me babies grew in a special cauldron.”

“A cauldron?” Dinah asked between two coughs. “Did she told you how it had to be stirred too?”

“Every family has its own euphemism I guess,” Nellie giggled, cheeks flushed red as they all ignored Hermione’s open mouth and scandalised expression. Just because they had been physically turned into witches didn’t mean they weren’t wizards deep down, and teenagers on top of it. Crude was something they were allowed to do.

“Baby-making wand! Oh you bet he must have used it a lot on Mom to make all those babies!” Ginny guffawed. She had rolled on the floor and there were tears at the corner of her eyes thank to how much she was laughing.

Ronnie almost strangled. “Ginny!!!”

“Grow up, sis,” the younger redhead dismissed her older ‘sister’ with a gesture. “Our parents fucked to have us-” Most of the rooms occupants gagged, because well, nobody ever like to imagine their parents in bed together but also because when did Ginny Weasley learnt to speak like that? “- and soon we’ll fuck to have babies of our own too. You earlier than me, too,” she added with a side look that conveyed amusement, though her body language betrayed how weirded out she probably felt underneath. “I mean, it’s not like there is any male of appropriate age left around aside of, well, Snape, and he’s going to be quite busy with you all.”

The leftover amusement died a quick, messy, painful death as everyone let that think in. Cheering Charms of not, all smiles turned strained. They wished they could forget that part.

“... At least it’s only our virginity?” Dinah offered after a long moment of silence, earning herself a few startled look. “What?” she shrugged. “If I remember the crackpot that serves as our Headmistress’ phrasing, she didn’t say we had to ‘gain carnal knowledge of womanhood’ and ‘gain knowledge of motherhood’ with the same person; she only stipulated that ‘gaining carnal knowledge’ had to be done before we left school and with Snape specifically because he’s A) still MALE, B) the only MALE teacher under fifty and also single to boot and C), oh, the only MALE left in this school she didn’t curse into having erectile problems because D), she specifically worded his name into her spell, so nobody else can do it. So yep, we’re screwed, but it could have been worse.”

“... It’s still Snape, mate. He’s still going to screw us.”

“Yeah, but I can survive. Besides, I think he’s pretty much screwed too,” Dinah replied with a weird smile. “Adult, Half-Blood, spy for Dumbledore, former Death Eater even if he was a spy, teacher? You take your pick, one or several of those criterias are going to give fits to half of the students’ families. If anything, when they storm the castle, he’s the one whose head they’ll put on a pike.”

Ronnie muttered something that might have been ‘good riddance’, only to yelp when Hermione hit her behind the head. “Ronnie Weasley! Don’t you have any shame? It’s not his fault!”

“Snape’s baby-making wand, Hermione,” Ronnie replied. “I could live a lifetime without seeing it.”

“Want to live your whole life as a woman?”

“... No?” Ronnie said with a weird squeak. “But I don’t wanna go near it either!” The feeling was quickly echoed by everyone, more or less loudly -- except by Nellie, whose eyes had become glazed.

“Uh, g… gals? I think… I think we really need to protect Snape? I mean, if anything happen to him, that means… it’s over for us, right? I mean, if he’s specifically tied onto the Curse and he isn’t there to, uh, to… do his part? We spend our lives as women, no matter what, right?”

Seadhna’s jaw dropped. “Fuck,” she cursed as it dawned on her and everyone else that Nellie was most likely right. “I need to write my mother, anyone got a quill to lend me and a fast owl?”

“Take a turn, I think we all need to send one and Pig can only carry so much,” Ronnie said with a strangled voice. “Holly, is Hedwige…? Holly?”

The Girl Who Lived had stayed pretty silent during the outburst. Hearing she would probably need to saveguard the one teacher she hated the guts of probably had thrown her out of a loop, Ronnie and Hermione decided after exchanging a glance full of meaning.

Holly’s lips opened and closed as if she was talking in silence before she nodded, looking as if she had finally reached the biggest decision of her life. “Yep, I confirm, I’m going to positively kill the Headmistress. Perhaps not today, perhaps not tomorrow, probably not until every single person in Hogwarts she Cursed manage to get it lifted, but I swear I’m going to positively kill her.”

**End?**


End file.
